what's in a name

My mom passed away when I was 20. When I became pregnant at 28 and they told me it was a girl (lol), I knew I wanted to honor my mom by giving my kid some variation of my mom's name. Her first name was Cynthia, but she went by Cyn. She wasn't super fond of her name but she did like to make a joke if anyone asked "Is that short for something?". She would reply, "No, it's long for Cy..." (pronounced SIH). 

This joke is better in person. I wish you could hear my mom tell it.

So the baby's first name was a variation of my mom's middle name, and the middle name was my best friend's name. In our birth announcement email I wrote: "We called our baby Exxx Cxxx because we hope she grows up to be as strong and funny as the women we named her after."

Yesterday I said goodbye to that name, officially. I have been calling E by his chosen name for many months, but I stood (sat) in front of a judge at the courthouse and told him I wanted the government to recognize it as well. Since E is a minor, I was the one to (literally) swear I was cool with it.

The judge asked me to raise my right hand and as I did so, the bracelet on my wrist jangled noisily. It was a charm bracelet of my mother's, populated with tiny souvenirs my dad brought back from his travels with the Navy in the 70's and 80's. It was heavy on my wrist and clanged loudly in the quiet room and I giggled nervously at how serious the moment was.

We told the judge why we wanted the name change and after some follow-up questions, it was approved. There was no gavel struck, only the sound of a self-inking rubber stamp ca-chunking a few times. It was an odd intersection of a Big Life Moment and banal office work. I shook hands with the judge and he wished E good luck. The whole thing was over in less than 20 minutes. We rushed from the courthouse and took some photos, trying to capture our giddiness.

Thank you mom and thank you Cate for sharing your names with my son. They served him well for 15 years. He is stronger and funnier than I ever could have imagined when we chose his name. 

And bold enough to name himself.